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Being A Dad Sucks

baby covered in mud - being a dad sucks

How great could being a dad actually be? I mean, let’s face it; between grunts of exhaustion, the only thing your coworkers can manage to say about parenthood is how their kids wrecked something else. From the living room lamp to the plans they made with their friends–it seems kids break everything.

Well, I’m here to tell you, they do. Your kids will start breaking things, stealing things, and ruining things, from the day they are born.

Your Heart

They’ll start with your heart. Holy cow, those little monsters will destroy any manly feeling you thought you were still holding on to. How dare they come into this world and instantly start stealing? That’s right, strong-armed robbery of every bit of oxygen you had in your lungs. All of it gone with your first look at that amazing little human.

Your Time

Don’t even get me started on the time they will steal from you. There you are with plans to be the next big thing and they think you just have all the time in the world to hold those tiny little fingers and help them learn how to walk. Next thing you know they are running to the door as you are heading to work and begging you to stay home today to play “Superman just one more time.” Then, they’re crying as they yell “I love you dad” as you head to the car, now running late.

How many times have had to stop watching the game to watch the newest production of little kid theatre? You practiced with them over and over again and now these little actors and actresses have dreams of crushing it in Hollywood. So, you have to sit through the newest scene in their self-written and directed play “My Dad – The Greatest Superhero Ever.” How dare they make you mute the game?

Cheating

They not only steal – they also cheat. You just heard those little voices profess their love for you. Now, they are looking up at you with those beautiful little eyes staring directly into your weakest parts and asking for 5 more minutes of hanging with dad before bedtime. They know exactly what they are doing and yet there you are letting them do it anyway. No fair. Those kids could get away with murder when they look at you like that and, sometimes, it will feel like they do.

Crime Spree

Now they want you to take time away from your day to teach them how to do things like drive. This is absolutely where you draw the line. All the time up to this point has been a blip on the radar to this request. You put all that time and effort into making this little human into a great, slightly larger, human. Now they want you to teach them how to do the thing that will help them get away from you faster? Again those eyes and that look come at you.

Like a baseball bat to the chest, you realize this is it. This is the reason for all those moments of stolen breath and broken hearts, the nights with an aching back and mornings of missed meeting. This is the reason you have muted all those games and allowed endless nights of “Just five more minutes”. And through all of this, more than anything in the world, you would do it all over again.