Congratulations on the new baby! So when’s number two coming along?
Why is this the first thing somebody asks after finding out everyone’s healthy. When you’re going to add another monster to the mix can be a difficult question. Knowing how to handle the question is not much easier.
Think Fast While Moving Slow
OK so maybe it wasn’t that immediate but it did seem crazy to me how soon after my daughter was born before people started asking if we are going to have another kid. At that point I was still trying to figure out how I was going to continue to get out of bed in the morning after being up rocking a newborn all night.
They wanted me to make another major life decision on little to no sleep? Running on an average of 3 1/2 hours of sleep is kind of like when I’ve been drinking. I’m likely to give you any answer I think you may appreciate, but that definitely does not make my answer true. And I’m not even going to feel guilty about this fake truth (it’s not really a lie and fake truth sounds better).
Tell Me Everything
On that note, why is it that we always have questions about the next phase of somebody’s life. Often times we don’t even know what the next phase is in our own life. Oh, you have a serious girlfriend so when are you guys getting married? You guys got married so when are you gonna have kids? Oh you guys had a kid so when’s number two coming along? Do these all sound eerily familiar? Maybe even give you a little bit of that nails on the chalkboard kind of a feeling? So why do we all do it? We know what kind of feeling it gives us but yet we still do it to others around us.
Most People are Good
Starting with the assumption that most people are good, we can safely say these questions are meant with the best intentions. Most of the time people are just trying to connect with us. This has been a very personal moment in your life and likely the ones who are with us during these early stages of our new life are close friends and family. They either want to be part of your life in a bigger way or maybe they are remembering the great feelings they went through with their own kids. Either way just remember their intentions are probably good.
Dealing with the “Next baby” question
So how do you handle these questions? Well top off your drink and settle in. Here are some great ways to avoid answering the “Next Baby” question.
The Redirect – Skill Level 4/5
When someone asks the “next baby” question, you simply pick any other topic you know the questioner has an interest in and start a new conversation. The hardest part about the redirect is quickly coming up with a topic that doesn’t involve a baby. You have been talking about nothing but baby for weeks now and there are so many other conversations you have been dying to have; Sports, food, beer hell you would take a political conversation at this point. But somehow when the moment presents itself, your brain goes right back to baby.
Pro Tip: If you can pick a topic you also know a lot about this will help you to talk long enough to get their brain past the initial question.
The New Person – Skill Level 2/5
This one just requires another person in the room who is not immediately involved in your conversation. When the question comes up, you direct a new question toward the new person in the room. This introduces them to your conversation and changes the topic the one of your choosing. This is similar to the redirect but allows for a teammate to join your team without even realizing it.
Pro Tip: Once the new person has responded, immediately prompt the original questioner to have input into the new conversation. This ejects “next baby” question from the game and brings in your new reliever.
Does Something Stink? – Skill Level 1/5
When the questioner starts in, you just announce the baby needs a diaper change and away you go. Rarely does anyone want to follow you for this event, which will buy you some time to come up with a new topic before you join the questioner again. This is the easiest way to avoid any conversation you want but only works if you are holding baby at the same time.
Pro Tip: The more of a blowout you make it sound like the more time it will buy you in the other room. Be aware of your audience. The more kids they have of their own the more likely they are to follow you for assistance. Then when you change a non-blowout diaper you will have to hear them tell you about their diaper stories.
That’s not what I’m asking 3/5
When the questioner asks the dreaded question just start answering a different question. It will feel strange at first but once you start talking your brain will figure out where to go next. It’s actually kind of a fun game to play with yourself. See how far down a rabbit hole of an answer you can get before anyone calls you out on it. If all else fails just keep rambling until the question is lost. This one will get weird. Get comfortable with weird. You’re a dad now this is just the beginning of weird.
Pro Tip: Talking about baby doctor appointments or their poop routines is the perfect combination of boring and uncomfortable to get the average Joes to stop asking questions.
OK Bye – Skill Level 1/5 (Rudness Level 5/5)
When you are at a loss but still really don’t want to answer, pack up. Let’s be honest you were probably ready to leave anyway.
Get Used To It
I hate to be the barer of bad news but you will continue to be asked about the next kid at least for the foreseeable future. So settle in and try to do your part to minimize the number of times this question gets asked. Remember, if you feel the necessity to ask someone about the next kid, at least give them a year to process being a dad in the first place.
Cheers!
-The Dad Crew