Our latest contributor is a dad from New Jersey. Will wrote to us a few weeks ago and asked if he could help contribute to The Dad Crew. He wanted to talk about some challenges he has faced as a dad. To let other dads know they are not alone in the everyday grind. We have all come up against our times where it’s hard to find the right work life balance. Of course we welcomed the contribution.
Will brought some great points to the table and we decided to split this one into a two part series. We kick it off with talking about some of Will’s history not only as a father, but growing up in a house with a step dad who really stepped up to the plate as a dad (pun definitely intended). He wraps up with talking about the day to day life of being a working dad. But best of all understanding the lesson of giving unconditionally.
So help me welcome the newest dad to The Dad Crew. Watch for a follow up post from him soon!
Welcome
First thing first – I live in New Jersey, so don’t hold that against me! My family – wife, 3 boys and extended family – settled near the Jersey Shore in a community known for its artisans and creatives namely writers and musicians such as Mary Higgins Clark, Bon Jovi, Springsteen; you may recognize movies Clerks and Chasing Amy, both filmed in the Red Bank area. The Stone Pony is another popular venue that provided many famous musicians their starts. So there are a lot of hardworking, creatives, grinding out the work-life relationship…many (including myself) commute on average about 2.5 hours roundtrip per day. However, it wasn’t always like this.
I moved to NYC fresh out of college working as a full-time personal trainer scraping by with literally dollars in the bank. Working 80 hour weeks, sometimes having to borrow money for train fare back to NJ, where I was living with my Aunt & Uncle. Four months after moving to NY, I was in a car crash totaling my car and means of transportation to the NYC train.
With an Angel on my shoulder (my mom’s words) and 2 days after my accident, a personal training colleague offered me a room at her apartment ten minutes from the gym in NYC. Eventually going to grad school via a graduate assistant in strength and conditioning followed by a move to NJ starting an in-home exercise therapy business and consulting for fitness centers with control of my schedule. That’s when I met my wife, and 12 years later, we’re living at the Jersey Shore with a 2.5 hour commute.
Father-in-Training: Fatherhood is filled with unexpected turns
My earliest male influence was my maternal grandfather. He was part of the greatest generation as were many of our grandfathers. A decorated WW II Veteran, professional baseball draftee, and political campaign chair. Yet his proudest accomplishments were his 8 children – one of them my mother. Essentially a single mother moving in with my grandparents after I was born. She raised me and then met my father (step dad), who adopted me. My grandfather and father taught me many lessons, most importantly to let kids figure out how to become their own person, not who you want them to be. This has been one of the most difficult facets of being a father for me; not inflecting my aspirations on my children, rather giving them the love and support they need to be their own person.
The Introduction
In 2007, my mom introduced me to my biological dad (BD). This was a profound moment that changed my life in an instance. My BD is a caring, warm, and genuine person who wasn’t in my life at all growing up. When my mom was ready, she introduced us. I was older and guess she felt I was ready to handle this life altering moment.
What became clear in hindsight is how strong my parents are to have introduced me to my BD. They raised me from a very young age and introduced me to another parent who had no involvement in my upbringing. This is the true definition of unconditional love, a loving father to raised me as his own, and is such an amazing person, he supported my mom’s decision to tell me. Now with 2 grand dads that are part of my children’s lives they are doubly blessed.
Dad Crew – Connecting with a Message
I first came across the Dad Crew in March 2019 while watching an interview that Jay gave with Ruth Soukup (Elite Blog Academy). Interested in growing my own blog with the responsibilities of family and work, Jay’s message struck a chord with me. He wasn’t spouting off about quitting his job on the road to internet riches. His message about enjoying his day job was refreshing, since I also enjoy my work with a healthcare system in New Jersey by helping employers manage their healthcare costs with health and wellness services.
So Here We Are
The relevance of the backdrop for this post is to provide some context and relatability that no matter where you live, your work life challenges, financial responsibilities, etc., people want to be part of a community (on-line or off) that shares commons interests and passions for the collective benefit of the group, i.e. a bunch of dads looking to do cool stuff with their limited time. My local community helps make the blend of work, family, creativity and giving back easier without losing sight of what’s important – family. It grounds me and provides a platform to be a better dad and husband.
It’s safe to say many of you reading this post can relate to the non-stop messaging that’s inconsistent with the realities of the contemporary work life relationship. Commonly known as the “grind”, it usually starts around 5:30am. Getting the kids up for childcare, followed by breakfast and off to school/work by 7am. Sound familiar? After long days, the family reunites in the late afternoon. Kids get off the bus or return from childcare, followed by a robust evening of activities, then a wind down. While the daily specifics for every family are different, understanding why you grind it out is really important as it gives purpose and direction to your day.
Parenting – the ultimate test in giving unconditionally
Being a dad is quite a roller coaster, right? The unexpected is always around the corner. Emergency room visits in the middle of the night for a child with croup, surgeries, sleepless nights, seeming never ending costs of childcare, and figuring out how to make it all work with two working parents. Sound familiar? Well you are not alone.
With two-working parents becoming the new normal, work life challenges are omnipresent. Who’s turn is it to take off work with the sick baby? Can you leave work early to take the kids to their well visits? I have a big presentation or a late work dinner, can you run the kids to practice tonight? Yet with all these issues, I’d never change being a dad for one second. It’s the best thing I could ever be part of. Fatherhood teaches us to be selfless at its very core. Giving ourselves, time, and resources to raise wonderful, caring human beings that will pay it forward to their children. Everyday is a new lesson in patience, gratitude, listening, and time management.
Thank you to Will and we look forward to future posts. Remember if you want to contribute to The Dad Crew you can send us a message at editorial@thedadcrew.com.
Cheers!